I Just Want My Stuff Back

Moving back in with my mom. Things didn't go well on Saturday. I haven't been to my house in almost a week. I'm back to living out of a bag, but this time I only have a few clothes. I just want my stuff back. Things are a bit complicated right now and I just want to get all my stuff and be out of their hair.

I believe I have a job. Just have to wait for them to call today. I can't wait to start finally working. But I also hope they start me next week so I can go downtown to file some paper work for next semester. I'm so proud of my best friend. She enrolled into school yesterday for finish high school and get her diploma! I hope she does well and finishes.

Its been a rough time for me lately. I guess the past two weeks. Normally people would talk to their best friend. But for some reason, my best friend isn't the person I like to talk to about my problems. We do talk about our problems, but I feel that lately shes been a bit selfish. She ignores me when we are on the phone, she almost always seems like shes mad and won't talk about it, and she always interrupts me. We have fun and I still love her, but I'm getting sick of being treated like shit.

Anyways... I normally talk to my friend Kyle about my problems. He's a really good friend and we were so close. We may not have always hung out, but we used to talk every nite. If not on the phone, on Skype. And I kinda started to fall for him. But the past month or so he's been busy working. Which makes us more distant. I wanted to talk to him about everything that's been going on. And just to hear his voice. He always makes things seem better and optimistic, but he hasn't answered my calls the past few days. Although, he did once, and I really needed to talk to him, but he was busy and said to call the next day. No answer.

Is there something wrong with me or am I just paranoid? I feel like I'm on a roller coaster. Every time I am doing great, something goes wrong and makes me feel like complete shit.

So Yeahh

Busy, yet bored. My ankle is still sprained. Its been about two weeks. I tried using a lil boot thing that helped last time, except after two steps, my ankle popped the wrong way. Now it hurts to even move it.

Family weekend. I have to stay at my moms this weekend due to family coming in from out of state. And I got a surprise from my favourite cousin. [:

Todays been quite a rollercoaster. Right now, Im alone at my moms. Have been for about four hours. And will be for at least another 2 or 3. Normally, Im cool with this. But Im getting to the point where Ive too much time on my hands, and Im thinking about stuff that makes me depressed.

For instance, I was on stupid Facebook and saw some pictures of my ex. As much as she looks like shit, it still hurts. lol. But just to see how shes kinda lookin worse than when we were together makes me giggle inside. Then I think of a few of the choices she makes (that affects her life, not mine) and I just smile.

Im bored out of my mind.

So a few weeks ago I was hanging out with my best friend and a friend from high school. Im not too fond of the girl, and she thinks Im a complete bitch. But she had a few guys over and they were pretty cool. They kept hitting on me, and I kinda liked one of them. I keep thinking about him, but I highly doubt Ill ever see him again.

I really wish kinda strangers would read my blog so we could talk and exchange conversation and advice. But I guess that would also require me to read other blogs. Which I hardly know how to find. But I also think that that can be a good thing. I wouldnt want anyone I really know to read my blog. Its a bit of my diary. And Ive always believed that talking to a complete stranger about your life can be wayy better than talking to your best friend.

Ughh. People suckk.

Im fine with not having a life. But if someone is going to act like a friend but be fake to my face, your not a real person. People like that are the reason I dont talk to anyone. (hence no one reading this blog). I hate having the feeling of everyone being mad at me. Making mistakes and having everyone get on my ass about it. But in the end to have my best friend act like that to me?? NO. Unreal. But hey, whatever. Its your choice.

And even my family... Seriously, I dont like always being on the fence of them being mad at me or ignoring me when its actually nothing. It pisses me off because I get paranoid and dont wanna be around them. It could even be something thats bothering them that has absolutely nothing to do with me, but they wont talk to me, so I just ponder about my actions. F@#$.

Anyways, Im watching the move Its Kind of a Funny Story. Which, of course, makes me think of the times I have tried killing myself and cutting, blah blah blah. But seriously, When the hell will I find out my purpose in this place?? Im too damn impatient. lol.

                        "Dont focus on one thing, just live your life and the things you want will come to you"

T.T

As Always,
Sam

Whats New, Motivation?

I understand that I wont always have the time or motivation to do this everyday. And its nothing really important, just my thoughts and feelings (kinda like an online journal). And I know that no one will ever read these. Im not sure if I like it or not. It would be nice sometimes to have opinions from people other than people I went to high school with, but I feel there would be no reason for people to read my blog.

Anyways, I'm feeling much better today. I miss waking up early (rather than 10:30-11am). I felt more motivated today too. I cleaned my room and did more exercises. Ive been trying to take more control of my life. Especially the smaller things. I like to read motivational quotes or bio's about how someones life has changed by doing something. I want change in my life and I am going to finally start taking control! [:

I also bought two books at Wal*Mart yesterday. I plan to read one, then give it to my good friend. And read the other. I love feeling motivated and energized. [:  aaaaaaand, when I went to the mall the other day I sat in two stores for at least a half hour and talked to the employees. They agreed to take a look at my application and even wrote down my name and number. Michigan is the WORST place to get a job. But I hope they call me back. Especially Sleeping Tiger. Id LOOVE to work there. But I dont want to get my hopes too far up either.

Anywhoosers, Im going to do more things while Im still motivated. [: Enjoy the rest of your day and be safe whoever may be reading this.
As Always,
Sam [:

My Summer

So far, my summer has sucked. Majorly. I made mistakes and wasn't responsible. Now I feel as if my family is disappointed in me. Especially since my only escape is the computer and they keep making fun of me or giving me crap for always being on it. But I like the internet. It gets me away from reality, lets me enjoy what I want, and in some ways helps relieve some stress. My family means the world to me, but they are getting on my nerves. Even the few friends I have. Maybe I'm just becoming more of a bitch. Maybe it's because of always being on the computer. I hate Michigan. I wish I could move to some place like Arizona or Colorado. A place where I don't know anyone. Where I can start fresh and not have my whole family constantly bickering about something I did wrong...

 Just a few thoughts. Not exactly how I wanted to start my blog, but whatever. Today is a shitty day so far.

As Always,
Sam