I Wanna Ride On A Ferris Wheeler with Anna Ferris! (I think it's spelled the same)

I feel better. Ive been really busy lately with my new job, which I enjoy. (Though I often dream of and smell all the food I am involved with at work). One of my managers closes often with me and we have grown as friends, so I think. Shes really funny and cool. We hung out the other nite and watched I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry (which I at first thought,  "Luck and Charry..'Wait, that don't sound right... Ohh, hahaaa' Chuck and Larry"". And I smoked with her and ate cookies n brownies. Brought some home.

I had to work this morning, but Ashley and I had planned on going to a club tonite. Of course, we were stoned when we came up with the thought, so she probably forgot, or forgot that I cant receive texts and is still trying to text me. I dunno, so it looks like I'm hanging out at home tonite. sooooo, I ate the lil brownie bite, started watching Smiley Face on YouTube. Towards the end of the movie, I decide I am high. Next thing I know my mom walks out and throws a pack of cigarettes at me, which I then thought, "Niice, I was just thinking about smoking a cigarette."

Movie is now over and soon for this blog too. On another good note, I have a follower. I don't know who he is, but it made me a little happy someone is following me. But this follower brings many questions to my mind at this moment. For example:
1. Is said 'Follower' really who he says he is? Or is he an imposter?
Purple.Why, of all blogs, would he want to follow my blog?
Window. What interests you to follow my blog?
And Lastly. Will you answer any of these questions??

Hmmmm.... Interesting questions, eh...?

My Dreams..

Last nite I had a dream that I was hanging out with my friend Kyle. (But in reality, the other nite I was really pissed off and called him to talk because he always cheers me up. But instead he was laughing at me and I havent talked to him since.) In my dream, I believe we had our own place. We were both laying in bed together and we were just talking and hanging out. And towards the end of the dream he kissed me on my forehead a few times and kept his arm around me.

Mind you, Im not usually the person to care about relationships or anything of that matter. Its never been a big deal to me, but I will admit that it felt really nice to have someone there. I miss having that feeling and having someone care so much. I know Kyle cares about me, but sometimes Im not sure what exactly he wants. Im not even sure what I want with him though too.

Can I Get Some Feedback??

Do you believe in the supernatural? Ghosts, spirits, voices, evil? I do. Maybe not exactly what is always presented in the media. But I believe that there is a connection between the dead and those that live. Maybe there are even some that walk this earth that have already passed.

Do you believe in heaven and hell? Or a different life? I believe that there may be another life we live after this. Only one thing I agreed upon which my biological father once said. (this being my version of it) "The life we are living is simply the beginning. We are but in the womb of the beginning of what we are to live." Who knows, maybe every "year" after our birth is another life we live. Wether it be on another planet, world, galaxy, or in a spiritual sense. But that is my belief.

Why the sudden supernatural? Ive been a bit surrounded by things that remind me of this lately. A few people told me their experiences with the supernatural/spirits/ghosts, Ive heard voices when I am alone or in music that I know wasn't there. Like Ive said before, I kinda wish people would read my blog. I would love to get some feedback on this particular topic. I wish I could write "Send me your stories, pictures, or videos. I'd love to hear what others have experienced!" And then attach my e-mail after wards, but I have no incentive other than pure curiosity and eagerness to learn.

What Am I Doing?

Lately I've been feeling really down. Maybe its because I haven't been taking my pills. Maybe its because I have nothing to do. Maybe its because of everything that's been happening. Whatever it is, I don't like it. I hate feeling so moody. I hate being angry at everything for no reason. I hate being disappointed in myself.

I play it cool like I don't need to hang out with a lot of people, but maybe its starting to actually make me feel empty. I don't have energy or motivation to do much. All I've been doing since I've come back to my mom's is sit around and wait. This job interview is bothering me. I just wish they would either hire me already. Or at least say they don't need me right now. I've gotten my hopes up and nothing has happened all week. They never call me back, but they could just be really busy. Which I understand, but if I was the best candidate they interviewed, why am I still sitting here and not there working?

I feel like there is more I could be doing, but there's nothing I can think of that hasn't already been done. That's why I liked living at my aunt and uncle's. Them being older and lazier gave me motivation. There was so much more to clean and I had my own room. I didn't have to live out of a backpack or sleep on a couch or watch whatever someone else wants to watch on television. The last two weeks I was living there I would take one day to clean little parts of my room. Going through more of my old papers and keeping only the minimum. I even cut down on smoking cigarettes to 2-4 a day. When I'm at my mom's I feel the need to smoke more often, which is not good at all. Now I'm stuck at my mom's waiting on a call that probably won't happen with all of my stuff still at my aunt and uncle's.

With all the drama that happened, both my aunt and uncle won't talk to me. I haven't been over there in two weeks. I only have about 3 or 4 sets of clothes with me and my purse. Everything else is over there. I don't even have my book to read. This is such a depressing time for me. I wish time would go faster and I could be working and living in my own apartment with my cousin.

Yesterday and today I've been feeling like I either need to cry or break something. Or even just talk to someone. I tried calling my friend Kyle last nite and still no answer. But I had a dream we hung out. Not helping that when I watch television and only catch a glimpse of whats playing. Mostly violence, suicide, or sorrow.

                                                     Life Simply Sucks Right Now.


Can't even find my birthday exciting to look forward to. I don't believe I have enough friends to have a party. I wouldn't have a place to have it. I can't even look forward to smoking on my birthday. Nothing. Just emptiness.